BB Diaries | Part Eight: Reinventing Your Future

You can call me an optimist, but I like to think I’m just hopeful.

I find that losing yourself and finding yourself is one of the greatest human experiences we could ever endure. There’s something about self-awareness that fascinates me so much.

You can also call me self-involved, but I like to think I’m just in touch with who I am.

It’s interesting to think about how fast your life can change – much like an Arizona rainstorm – instant chaos followed by instant tranquillity. Reinventing yourself is also very much like an Arizona rainstorm, it only comes when it’s needed, when life is dry and in need of a cleanse for renewal.

As I come closer and closer to graduation, my original thoughts and feelings about my plan post-college becomes drier and drier. I had this great idea that I would intern in New York City the summer before my senior year, make some contacts, get to know the city, come back to Arizona, finish my senior year, slay all year with internships and leadership roles, walk the stage for my diploma, get on a plane and head to NYC again to begin my life.

It’s a perfect plan. People do it all the time. But what is it exactly that I want to do? I’m young. Do I really want to rush into the first job I can find and sit at a desk for 40 hours out of my week doing something irrelevant to who I am just so I can be in NYC? I’m 22 and I see these 24 and 26 year olds regretting the decisions they made at my age and wishing they had focused more on who they are and less on what they do.

I do PR. I write.

That’s what I do, but that’s not who I am. I’ve been so scared about of graduation lately because I don’t want my life to become more of what I do and less of who I am.

Who am I? I am an artist in my own right, the poet of my own life, seeking to inspire others to do the same and take control of who they are, to proclaim their weaknesses and insecurities and own them in front of the world. I love music. I love film. I have a passion for lyrics and melodies, despite my lack of musical talents. I see visuals when I listen to music and dream about the relationship music and film have with each other, and how to create artistic statements. I’m not an art student but there’s art all around me. I appreciate art even though all I can draw are stick figures.But it doesn’t matter that I can’t do it. I already know what I do.

I do PR. I write.

I love what I do.

How can I bridge who I am with what I do? I’m beginning to find out.

I’ve been doing PR for a local musician who also happens to be one of my closest friends. Her name is Luna Aura and she’s going to rule the world one day. Working with her on music video shoots and photo shoots, assisting journalists on her interviews, listening to the incredible music she creates and watching her perform live has bridged that gap between my PR life and hunger for art.

Luna Aura on the set of her music video “Too Young to Die” directed by Matty Steinkamp.

Last week, I organized an art gallery/music event at my journalism school to showcase artwork done by journalism students. My school is filled with top notch journalism students, many of which have gone on to have fantastic careers, but many also have other talents. It was so great to see them show their talents for art and music in between deadlines and internships.

I love office work, I love conference calls and I love show business. I love public relations. It’s so much fun. I always knew I would do PR since I was 15. But I want to do it in a way that works for me.

I want art, music and film to come together with my career as one. I want to build my own brand and write my own path. I want passion and I want success. I want to be surrounded by artistic people and business people. I want to write books and manage a PR firm. I want to be an artist and a professional. I want to have a voice and help others have a chance to share theirs too. I want people to see me for who I am.

Maybe this is just the millennial curse and I have to accept that life isn’t going to go how I want. But I work hard and I don’t rely on anyone else for my success. So what’s the harm in pushing for my goals?

You don’t always have to wait for the rainstorm, sometimes you have to crack the thunder yourself.

xoxo Robby Rob

More Bold Bitch Diaries:

BB Diaries | Part Seven: The Return of Jayden Tucker
BB Diaries | Part Six: Still a Hot Mess
B is for BOLD: My New York Summer Meltdown